[{"id": 92929, "created": "2016-03-14T14:58:59.599199", "project_id": 212, "task_id": 40493, "user_id": 427, "user_ip": null, "finish_time": "2016-03-14T14:58:59.599220", "timeout": null, "calibration": null, "external_uid": null, "media_url": null, "info": {"other": "It is hard to translate the wife's misspellings, because they are based on German words that sound similiar, such as Duett and Dutt, literally meaning duet and bun (hairdo). I changed that one to duel", "translation": "The Murderer.\r\n\r\nA man has killed his wife. The judge admonishes him to tell the truth, so that he may gain mercy before court. And then he may delineate the course of these sinister events.\r\n\r\n\"Some day\", the murderer started, \"I came home and found my wife with a book in her hand. What are you doing there?\" I asked her. \"I am learning French\", she replied. -- \"Ah\", I said, delighted, \"what have you learned today?\" -- \"The sunroof of the purse is the pimp's teacher fifteen.\" -- \"Oh my God\", I shout, shocked, snatching the book from her hand and reading, \"you have to translate: The marquise of Pompadour was the mistress of King Louis XV.\" -- \"How can you talk such nonsense\", says my wife, \"of course I am right, this is how my lictor learned me.\" -- \"First of all it is: taught me, and secondly, a lictor was a summoner in ancient Rome; but you have a French lector.\" -- \"Lector?\" my wife said rather pertly, \"Lector was a Trojan hero.\" -- \"His name was Hector\", I replied, already somewhat annoyed. -- \"The things you know\", she mocks me, \"Hector is a square measure.\" -- Now I start to get furious. \"Hectare, hectare\". -- But she is quite indignant: \"You are not supposed to argue like that. Hectare is the drink the Greek gods consumed.\" -- \"No\", I yell, \"that was nectar.\" -- \"Haha\", she laughs, \"Nectar is a river in south Germany. Every child knows that.\" -- \"Nonsense\", I shout, \"it is called Neckar.\" -- \"No, nectar. Soon I will be grazing my sheep at the nectar, soon I will be grazing them at the Rhine, daily I sing this song with my friend Sophie in a duel.\" -- \"Duet\", I rage, \"duet, not duel\". -- \"Duet is when two men kill each other for a woman\", my wife instructs me. That was when I took the gun that lay on the table and shot her dead.\"\r\nThe judge murmured darkly: \"I would have done it already at Hector.\"\r\n\r\nWOLFGANG GOETZ\r\n(taken from the World Week)\r\n\r\nMY WEAKNESS IS ALCOHOL\r\nThe train was overcrowded. A mechanic got to sit opposite a young woman whose short skirt had the tendency, again and again, to slip upwards over her knees.\r\n\r\nIt was a never-ending fight. The young woman was forced to pluck at her skirt again and again, and when she ceased to do this even for a moment, the dress would inevitably move back up.\r\n\r\nAfter she had made a new attempt in vain to keep the skirt down, her eyes met the mechanic's.\r\n\r\n\"Don't worry about your dress\", the mechanic said, \"my weakness is - alcohol -.\""}}, {"id": 106559, "created": "2016-09-18T18:26:54.695161", "project_id": 212, "task_id": 40493, "user_id": 138, "user_ip": null, "finish_time": "2016-09-18T18:26:54.695186", "timeout": null, "calibration": null, "external_uid": null, "media_url": null, "info": {"other": "I tried to straighten out the punctuation in the first joke. I did not translate Dutt, which is a hair bun, as that does not work with the context.", "translation": "\"One day\", starts the murderer, \"I came home and found my wide with a book in her hand. 'What are you doing there?' I asked her.'I am learning French', she replied. -- 'Well', I said delighted 'what have you learnt today?' -- 'The sunroof of the little purse is the teacher of pimp fifteen'. -- 'For God's sake', I call out appalled, tear the book from her hands and read aloud, 'Please translate: The Marquess of Pompadour was the mistress of Louis XV'. -- 'How can you talk such nonsense', said my wife, 'this is how my lictor has learnt me.' -- 'First, it is called 'taught', and second, a lictor was a messenger of the court of the ancient Romans. But you have a French lecturer.' -- 'Lecturer?' said my wife really caustically, 'Lecturer was a Trojan hero'. -- 'That one was called Hector', I replied already a little bit excited. -- 'The things you know', she scoffs, 'Hector is a unit of measure for an area\". -- Now I am turning wild. 'Hectare, hectare'. -- But she is really annoyed:  'You shouldn't always squabble like this. Hectare is a beverage that quenched the ancient Greek gods' thirst'. -- 'No'. I scream, 'that was nectar'. -- 'Haha' she laughs, 'Nectar is a river in Southern Germany. Every child knows that'. -- 'Nonsense'. I scream, 'that one is called Neckar.' -- 'No, Nectar. -- 'Now I graze near the Nectar, now I graze near the Rhine', that one I sing daily as a Dutt with mt friend Sophie.' -- 'Duet', I rage, 'duet, not Dutt'. -- 'Duet is when two men kill each other over a woman', my wife lectures me. At that I picked up the pistol laying on the table and shot her dead\". The judge mutters darkly: \"Hector would have done it for me.\"\r\nWolfgang Goetz\r\n(taken from \"Die Weltwoche\")\r\n\r\n\r\nOne Weakness is the Alcohol\r\n\r\nThe train was overcrowded. A mechanic came to sit across from a young lady, whose dress had a tendency to repeatedly slide up above her knees.\r\n\r\nIt was a continuous struggle. The you lady was forced to tug her dress all the time, and when she failed to do so for only a blink of an eye, the dress slid up again without mercy.\r\n\r\nAfter she had made another futile attempt to keep the dress down, her gaze crossed that of the traveller opposite her.\r\n\r\n\"Don't worry about the dress\", says the mechanic, \"my weakness is the - a l c o h o l -."}}]